You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
