Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just want to make out with him forever
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
