glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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