I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
