dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
