North Korea, Best Korea!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
