I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
