Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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