I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
