bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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