You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
