my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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