My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
