i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
