Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
