I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm just crazy horny about you
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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