i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Randomize