Christians are straight up FREAKS
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
