i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
