I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
