Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
