I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
