He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
