hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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