Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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