Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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