He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
