yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
