but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
