Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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