you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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