i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
