Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
