Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
