you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
