Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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