My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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