he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i think i just lost a toe
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
