i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My pussy is not your playground.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
