if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
