Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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