there's paper in my vomit.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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