I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
