I can text with my tongue
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
