He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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