at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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