Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
