dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
