I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
