I wannas sexs uuuuu
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
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