So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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