Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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