I CAN MOONWALK!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
