so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
