so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
