i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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