I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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