like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We left an ass print on the piano.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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