So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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