She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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