you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
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Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff