After last night, I could never be a politician.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.