If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.