I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
