Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
