i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
