I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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