Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
