is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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