thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
