All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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