Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
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I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
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Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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