He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
