he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
