NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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