The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
