you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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