Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
