i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I want her autograph on my taint
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
